Many people have told me that sometimes while being in church, you will feel as though the message is being directed straight to you. Today was one of those days, one of those messages.
What I got out of today's message:
1. The letters EP have a new meaning for me.
2. "Whatever you do, do it in the name of Christ, do it in the reputation of Christ." - This means really taking a long, hard, look at myself and my actions. Do I do the things I do, with Christ in mind? No. Not always. Probably hardly ever. That is something I really need to work on and change. Not only in my mind; internally, but also through my behavior; externally. In relationships.
3. I need to rid myself of anger, slander, rage, and malice. This is something that comes so easily and is often hidden in a disguise--sometimes of laughter, sometimes in plain conversation. What good is it? None.
4. "To set my sights higher and live with more victory over sin, I need to...???" I could not come up with a decent answer to this question right away. But then I did: "accept myself." To set my sights higher and live with more victory over sin, I need to accept me for who I am. It is told to me time and time again, that I, we all are, God's masterpieces. Yet, it is so hard for me to believe that about myself. I see so many things that are wrong with me. I see the devil working his way into my life, into my mind, that makes me think these things. I am trying to overcome it, but it is hard. For so long the devil has had his way with me...thinking I am less than what I am, making me see others and wanting to be like them, wanting to be better. I need to stop. Simply stop. I am me. I am the way I am because God created me this way. I need to learn that who I am is ok. I'm getting there...slowly, but surely.
5. These next two are the hardest ones to admit. "Who I am is seen by my responses in relationships." and "Who I am is seen by my responses to His Lordship." I am going to wait until another day to respond to the relationship issue...because that is a huge issue for me. --->"Who I am is seen by my responses to His Lordship." Well then, I have a lot of work to do, let's just put it that way. But, I am working on making those responses mean more and reflect the person who I want to become....the person I know I am...the person I just need to find.
6. My progress on this journey is coming along great. I have seen the Lord working in my life, and I have watched Him work in the lives of others around me. I have begun to watch what I say more, I have begun to look ahead more--in the long run, I have begun to take notice of how I interact and treat others. I have stepped back, slowed down, turned off the tv more often, and sometimes I just sit. Sit and think. And really reflect. On myself. And while I have been dealing with the bluntness of not liking who I am/was, it brings me joy to see that I can go forward. God will forgive me. It's not that I have been a horrible person, but maybe at times I have. I have not treated others fairly, I have lied, I have envied, I have wanted, I have given in too easily, I have not tried hard enough, I have tried too hard. But with all of these realizations, comes the hope and excitement of changing. Changing my ways, changing my actions, changing my thoughts. And for that, I am excited!
7. The "Since--Then" theory. We all think it..."Since he didn't call me, then I must have said something to scare him off." "Since he doesn't like me, then I must be fat." "Since I didn't get the job, then I must not be good enough." "Since he cheated on me, then I must have been a bad girlfriend/fiance." "Since I didn't win, then I must suck at everything." We all need to change the way we think. God has a plan. For each one of us. And whether we like it or not, it's there, His plan is there for us. The theory needs to change into something like this: "Since [whatever], then it was not mean to be/then God has something better for me/then it was not His plan."
All of this is so much easier said than done.
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