i sense myself getting back into the old habit of drinking away, or into, my problems and depressions.
its summer.
im here in michigan.
i feel alone.
although i have people in my life.
i think.
sometimes i just get too caught up in the fact that everyone seems to have their own lives.
already.
families.
kids.
their own/other friends.
me. not so much.
im just a floater.
and i really, usually, enjoy it.
most of the time.
except for nights like these.
then i start to sulk and feel sorry for myself.
like why i ever moved here. and why im still here. its because i always seem to tell myself that there is supposed to be something here for me.
i just need to find it.
and maybe its here already. or maybe its not. but how am i supposed to know?
so i start to feel sorry for myself.
i start to think about moving. and going somewhere else. but where?
wont it just be the same if i go someplace else? wherever that may be...everyone will be established. everyone will have someone else in their lives. everyone will have their own life.
it doesnt matter.
i will never be happy it seems. i will never find what i am looking for. or at least it seems. sometimes i just wish that what i dream....actually dream...at night...when i wake up in cold or hot sweats...would come true.
