i cannot sleep. its late for me--almost ten on a week night. yet, my brain is being over taken by these thoughts. thoughts of the past. its been a week now since i talked to you. before that it had been about 2 years. your voice was the same. your stubborn attitude. your monotone, laid-back, relaxed responses. still kills me. for years now it’s always been you. you are all i think about. and i know i am the last girl, the last person, the last one you think about. i feel this...thing...this feeling...this spark that is still there. and i know, deep down inside that you still do think about me...even if it is just now and then. once a year. when you hear my favorite cheese. i know. and i tell myself i cannot wait forever. but i think i will. until someone else walks into my life that i dont actually compare to you.
there is someone who loves me more than his own life. someone who would and who does absolutely anything and everything for me. yet i just cannot get myself to feel the same way about him. its sad really. in all honesty. that there is a person out there who feels that much love towards someone. towards me. and that i can not give it back to him. its depressing. its a tragedy really. a true and complete tragedy.
one of the last things you told me was to let go of my emotional ties and that its time to move on. thanks ass hole as if i dont know that already. and by the way, im working on it. i am practicing each night before i go to bed. asking the Lord to give me strength to move on. so far He has not shown me the light completely, but i know He will. I am beginning to truly leave my hope and faith in Him. something you would never approve of, im sure. something you would never believe in. something i would never have gotten to know if i was still with you. but something that is now within me. and something that no one can take away from me.
monday night 9:50 - 10:27 dec 1 2008
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