moon walks

i love it when the summer begins to turn to autumn. it really has to be my favorite time of year. i had this epiphany last fall when i was driving home to Brian's over October Break. on the way to Michigan there are a lot of long stretches of trees off the highways. the colors on the trees are what really got to me last year. really, take a look around you this fall. look at the trees. the colors that the leaves turn amazes me. its a rainbow. such a wide variety of shades of red, orange, yellow, green, brown. i think its simply one of nature's wonders. even though i know that the leaves are dying--nothing more, they are dying; losing life. yet, nothing looked so beautiful at the end of its life. if you take a moment to think about it, youll see the irony. i hope i look like a leaf when im dying--beautiful and still full of color, lively.

i love the crisp air in the fall. time for sweatshirts again, finally. the sun is still warm--not as hot, but its still able to warm your face when you're outside. thats all i need: cool air and warm sun on my face.

not as many bugs out. pumpkins. warm apple cider. apples--i swear apples taste better in the fall. red ones though. green ones are for summer.

i love the cool fall nights with the bright full moons. i truly believe that the moons are brighter in the fall.

go on a moon walk.

everything fades away
in the moonlight
but i can see your face
i can feel your presence
and hear your voice
even though you're miles away
i feel the coolness
of the night
i feel the warmth
of the moon light
and the stars remind me of you

mosquitos

the enemy had won

My will power
had failed me
Their will power
hungry

I tried staying as long as
i could outside
but there were so
many

I began to become a human
honey suckle
my blood golden

I stuck it out as long as
i could oustide--
my will power

Once one flew
in my ear
I gave up

packed up
my will power

8:26pm, 8/2/4

**************
this was something that i wrote when i was in Door County with my family this summer. it came back to me this weekend when i was outside and got eaten alive. damn things! i hate them!

Millions of them--
billions
tiny little things that cause so much annoyance!

sometimes all you need is home

random, just get up and go. sometimes you just need to go home. sometimes you just need your own bed, your family, old faces, and hilarious neighbors...

so miss the first breakfast club of the year (drinking this early kills me, i can do without it), miss the game (its ball state it's fine), miss your friends that are in town visiting (sorry guys), miss the fun times at the bars (they will be so crowded anyways)...

eat mcdonalds breakfast in the car and have my own breakfast club, go home and watch the game with your mom (shell do the laundry without me even asking her), see old friends (im finally coming home), go to the local pubs at home (ok, so a beer is $5, but you dont have to wait)

cont.

since im on this whole "what should i do with my life" streak, i decided to run into Borders earlier. i walked to the "self help" section...somehow i knew thats where i needed to go. what did i find, but a book titled "what should I do with MY life?" so i bought it.

http://www.pobronson.com/index_what_should_I_do_with_my_life.htm

go figure

so, after seeing a "counselor" about figuring out my life, she tells me to go take this test that costs like $10-20. so i go and take it. fill in 1000 bubbles on a scantron, sit there for 45 minutes. its those tests that tell you what kind of personality you have and what you are good at and what you should do with your life and what you would fail at. i take it. get my results back. what are the top 10 careers that it says i would be good at: elementary school teacher, community service organizer, school administrator, special ed. teacher, public relations director, high school counselor, lawyer, paralegal, corporate trainer, and english teacher.

so...i paid this money and spent all this time to figure out that what i would be good at is either: 1. what i majored in and hate, 2. what my dad wants me to be, 3. something i have no interest in or, 4. a career that my major has nothing to do with which means that i would have to go back to school and take out more loans just so i can get another degree

so, once again i am stuck at square one on trying to figure out my life...

(maybe its a sign that i should just give teaching a try?!?!)

first time

so, for the record--and i told amy j that i would do this first-- im using her as an inspiration for doing this--this blog thing. ok, so maybe i am copying her a bit, but its fine. she told me that it was. anyways, so amy j: here is YOUR"shout-out!" thanks for the approval. ps, check out her blogs, she wants visitors: amyj28.blogspot.com

now...so this is a blog. hmmm...this could be fun. i think that i might become obsessed with it actually. i really dont know what im supposed to do with this...ha, i think this is so funny for some reason.

im sick. tonight i am sick. so i stayed in and watched two chick flicks...alone. i sat on my bed and drank fruit punch kool-ade. (its my favorite.) "the prince and me," which i think that i probably could have written that movie myself--3 years ago when i took a film class in school, it was that typical. and then i watched "13 going on 30." cute movie. that one i actually liked.

that kinda makes me think back to when i was 13. what was i?...in 8th grade? id have to say that my 8th grade was probably the best grade of my life looking back on it. besides freshman year at purdue, 8th grade was just so much fun...

the 7th and 8th grade dances once a month, your first kiss, your first slow dance, hanging out at friends' houses every weekend, going to movies in huge groups, sneaking out [we would always "camp" in back yards and then all meet up and just hang out at my elementary school. it was normal back then.], smoking your first cigarette, getting a hair cut like jennifer aniston...

8th grade was also my grunge stage though. i remember always hanging out with the skaters and bikers. thats funny because i was a cheerleader in 8th grade. how random.

whats so true, like in the movie, is that when you are younger, you just want to be an adult...you want to be treated like one, you want to wear makeup, drive a car, etc. and now, being only 22, id give anything to go back to being 13. id love to not be able to drive a car and have my parents and my friends parents pick us up and drive us everywhere. id love not having money and having my parents buy me everything still, id love not having much responsibility and being teated like a KID.

i see this going on with my brother. hes 12. he just started jr. high. the same school where i went. although now it has a new gym, cafeteria, and even a new hallway. figures...that happened the year after i left.

i look at my brother and see him starting this new phase in his life and i can only begin to think back to that same time in mine. i know i was so scared and nervous to go to "jr. high." but when i talk to him, he seems fine. i know guys are different, but i know deep down inside of him, somewhere, he gets nervous. but i see him, and all i can think of is my time in jr. high. it sounds so childish, but i can remember so much of those two years in 7th and 8th grade. and they were 2 amazing years.

my brother acts as if i dont know a thing about him and his friends. and although it was 10 years ago i was in his place, i can remember so much. at least i am able to talk to him about it though. like the other day i was talking to him online and i was telling him that he was going to have so much fun at the dances---he refuses to go though, because hes "too cool." although back in my day, the dances were what was "cool." anyways...i told him how hes going to start hanging out at his friends houses...like in the basements with guys AND girls....and hes convinced that my parents are sooo strict that they wont let him. but what he doesnt understand is that i have his back. A. my parents would let him. and B. even if they said no, id talk them into it. all i have to do is remind them that i did it when i was his age. and i know we werent up to doing anything bad....watching movies, maybe playing a bit of Truth or Dare and getting that first kiss...but if it didnt happen back then in someone's basement, it was going to happen somwhere else....

but my brother, what an awesome kid...hes still a kid to me...he wants to be treated like an adult. he doesnt understand why my parents wont let him get a cell phone. he wants to be able to go wherever he wants and not have to call in. sound familiar? i totally remember being the same way. now...i call my parents more than ever and i dont even have to. its so funny how things turn out isnt it? how funny....back then you just didnt want anything to do with your parents. and now, i dont think that i would be able to survive without them.

oh my little brother...that is a whole other blog in itself. i could talk for ages about him and what i think of him. hes amazing.

back to the subject....growing up sucks. i wish i was 13 all over again. its such an awkward time though. i feel like everyone is ugly at age 13. looking back...my friends and myself included where all in that "funny looking" stage...puberty. you know...when guys are getting their growth spurts, and girls are becoming "developed" and you get pimples, and still have--or maybe are--finally losing that baby fat, and just everyone seemed so funny. besides all that, i still would love to go back and be 13 again. who wouldnt?

at least for the next two years of my life, i can relive those jr. high times through my brother. i cant wait to hear his stories! and the best part is, is that i will make him tell me all about it because i want to hear them all! its not like hes going to go up to my parents and tell them about what went on at the movies or in someones basement. he really has no one at home...not with his sister and i gone...but i cant wait for him to tell me everything. oh...i could be like a chaperone at the dance...ok, just kidding i would probably embarrass my brother so much...i know better.....

its amazing what one chick flick can make you think of isnt it? i knew i was going to become obsessed with this and just ramble on....

(and im obsessed with the elipsis: ....)